


Remembered

by YumeArashi



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Gen, May induce ugly sobbing, Mourning, Post-Canon, Sad, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-08 04:08:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21469810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeArashi/pseuds/YumeArashi
Summary: Death doesn't let you say goodbye.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 18
Collections: Czernsgiving 2019 A Noah Week





	Remembered

**Author's Note:**

> Massive heckin' spoilers for the entire series. If you prefer to avoid that, hit the back button now.

They didn't notice, at first.

In the immediate aftermath, there was joy over Gansey's revival, then a deep breath of relief, a tallying and tending of hurts.

In the less-immediate aftermath, there was the turmoil of approaching graduation, blossoming relationships, future plans. Movement and the disruption of patterns, so many changes making it hard to see one more.

Noah had been fading for so long, appearing less and less often, and less of himself there each time.

And he had slipped so quietly away.

* * *

They were at Monmouth, packing Ronan's things to go to the Barns. Blue paused in Noah's doorway, looking long at the silent, pristine room.

"Have you seen him?" Gansey asked quietly.

Blue shook her head. "Have any of you?"

Three answering shakes and Ronan's terse, "Figured if anyone would, it'd be you."

"Have you asked?" Adam didn't need to specify that he meant the women of Fox Way

"No. I didn't want to know. If I don't know for sure that he's gone, then I can hope he'll come back someday."

Adam nodded. "I haven't asked the cards, either. I don't even know if I could, now - but I still don't want to try."

"We all want to hope," Gansey agreed.

"I don't know that it's helped though," Blue said mournfully. "He _ feels _ gone, even if he's not, even if it's not forever."

"The ley line's healthy again. No reason for him to still be gone," Ronan pointed out, his tone unusually subdued.

Ronan never lied. Blue's breath hitched, and she punched his shoulder. "Shut up, asshole."

Ronan took the hit without protest.

"We all want to hope," he added. "But maybe that's not what we need."

"And maybe it's not what he needs," Adam said softly. "He couldn't stay, we all saw it. If he's...if he's found peace, maybe it's better that we let him go. For him, and for us."

Blue closed her eyes, tears slipping out as she did. She didn't want to let him go, quiet sweet Noah who had petted her hair and snuggled innocently and been delighted by a tacky snow globe. Her Noah, who would have asked her out if he'd been alive. She loved him, as she loved all of her raven boys. She wondered - not for the first time - if she had recorded his name on the corpse road seven Saint Mark's Eves ago, blind to his shade walking by. 

"I know, Blue," Gansey's arms wrapped around her, his playful nickname for her set aside. "But we won't forget him. We'll keep him in our hearts, and mourn him the way he deserves. He'll always be remembered, but he wouldn't want us to keep hurting ourselves holding out hope. Especially false hope."

"I know." Blue punched him too, for good measure. "I just hate it. We didn't even get to say goodbye. _ He _ didn't get to say goodbye. I don't even know if he was okay, in the end." She touched the healing scar over her eye. She'd never gotten to forgive him, not really. Not that it was his fault, of course, but she had wanted him to know that she forgave him.

"We all hate it," Ronan agreed, his eyes bleak with so much loss in so little time.

"We should have a - " Gansey stopped. A funeral? Noah had already had one. Two, if you counted his reburial on the ley line.

"A wake," Ronan announced. "Make it a fucking party. Get some booze, put on some music, talk about the good times - laughter, not tears. He'd like that better."

Adam nodded. "Celebrate his time with us, not his loss."

Blue sniffled. "Yeah. Yeah, okay. But you don't get to pick the music, Lynch, your taste sucks."

"Shut up, maggot."

Tonight they would hold his wake.

Tomorrow Gansey would empty his room.

But Noah Czerny would always be remembered.


End file.
